EarthBound My Version
by DarkAngus
Summary: Dis is my interprteation of the evnts which tkae place in EarthBound. Dis is mai first fic so plz be niec.  Note: The first few chapters have horrid spelling, but the last chapter is MUCH BETTER.
1. Chapter 1

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Won! Ness wakes up!

OK, so may name is Ness. I am a teenage boy from Eggland who wears bassball clotes and stiff like dat. wun dae I woke uop and herd a nock on mai front door. It was den that I know that my destiny was cumming.

So I went outside to my frunt door and opened it. It was... ... ... Porkey! He was, like, really swetty and fat (like Glen bek, only uglir). SO he toled me that his bruther Pickey was missing!

(AN: Well, stuff happend before dat, but it ain't impotent to the plut, so lets keep goin) Pokie asked me to cum with him but I saud no! Because, I really dunt like Pokey, like, at all! So he sais that he'll say sumfin cut me liek a knife if I dunt. So I said yess (because I really hate pointie objeks). and he took me utsied.

We started walkin uphil when i saw dat no polices were heree. I tought that they all left but i guess i was right! :D And then we were attaked by aminals!

There were dogs and squirels and crows and they were all like attacking us painfully! Pokey tried to run away but he couldn't! So I got my baseball bat frum my hoes and starting beating up the crows and snakes and dogs! And I killed all of them, even the cut dogs!

So, I took the dogs and cooked them over a fier and pokey and I had a great breakfast (did i mention that it was in the middle of the night when all dis happend?) And we had a great brekfast too. It was good.

So we kept walking up the mountin and my hed bagan to hurt badly. As we got to da top, we saw... Picky! And he were happy. Wen Picky finally woke up, he sed that Pokey ran away wen he herd the metor hit da mountain! I was liek wat? Picky started to beat up Pokey for abandoning him. Then he took his left arm off.

Suddenly the red meteor behind us started to open and a bee came out!

Porkey was leik "hey ness, did you hear sumthing that siunded like a bee?"

The bee said "A bee I am not" "I am from 52 years in the future and in the future all is deviastaton! GAYGAS, the universal cosimic destur, haz sent all to da horrur of eturnal drarkness! So dat means Nes haz to go save da worlds!" said Buzz Buzz. "My name is Buzzbuzz and I came to warn you of wat's about to happen! Pokey and picky can't help you because they arent cool enuff. So go Ness! You haff to do this alone! But yu wont be by yurself! Three other kids will help yu and I can't tell you dere names."

So Ness took Picky and Pokey bak home but we couldn't because there was a ROBOT in our way! It said that its name was Starman Junior!

Buzz Buzz but up an invincible shield so that we couldn't get hurt. Picky was throwing rocks at the robot and pokey was hiding behind the robot and got his left arm pulled off. I decided to use my baseball bat and hit him with it! The starman started bleeding so I ran away!

Picky was using a magic spell to kill the Starman Junior and it worked. So we walked into pokey's house. Inside were to really fat pepole. They were ... Pokey's parents and Picky's parents!

There dad told them to go upstair so he could kill them, and they did. Ness stood in there living room with his mom, who was still hot even dough she waz fat. So we played strup poker and ness won.

Two days later Pokeys dad came down "I killed both of them" he happily announced! "And I ate their corpses without any salt! LOL"

We were very happy and had a treesum. And then Picky and pokey's hot mon killed Buzz Buzz with her bare hands.

Buzz buzz died and we all were sad. Except for Porky's parents.

As buzbuz died he told me that I had to find seven Sanktuarys and collect their melody with the sound stone which he prompty gave me.

And he died sexily. OK not sexily, I just wunted to troll yu one time. I wunt do it again, I prumise!

So I went outside and It was daytime! :D All the animals were playing, even the amilnials that we killed last night! And I decided to go into town and kill another gang. Becasue I like killing people an animals.

So I went into town and I saw the sharks (they were anuther gang) and I killed like fifty two of them. And then I went into the arcade in town and killed everyone in there when I found out that they weren't Sharks. So I went to the back of the arcade and I saw Frankie, the leder of the Sharks! He was a very tall person who loved knifes and even did one of his knifes! And I came in watching him put a nife inside him! I vumited cuz thats like gross!

ANd Frank and I fought! I ate hamburgers to keep my HP up while he made out with his knives to keep his HP up! Frank explained that the Sharks were actually charity people who gave to charities and helped people liev good lives! But ness hated charities and peoples lives so he killed frank. Suddenly, frankie transformd into a horrifying form... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... . .. ... .. Pinkie Pie frum My Little Pony (the new series!) And Ness wuz horrorfied! He hated girl showz almost moar then he haeted charaties!

So Ness killed the pony and ate it, just like the dogs back at the begining. And inside of the body waz a key to a shack in the outside of tiown! And that shack was the way to the first of the eight sanctiaries!

So ness left the place and went to the shak and used the key (after doing it with a hot Shark member - he was a girl). So I wet inside and went into a cave on the other side of the shack. Ness saw mice and slugs that tried to kill him. They took his bat away but left him alive.

So ness was crying tears and finally found a big shiny light. When he went inside he saw a giant ant the size of the Titanic. It was... teh Titanic Ant! And teh TitAnt started to hit me with powerful sycik powurs! I desided to use a powa that i had been keepin a sekret for so long... PK STARSTROM!

And then stars fell from the sky and destroyed my hometown of Onett. Oh, and they killed the ant. and it waz AEWSUM! Teh ands blood sploojed everiwere and ness liked it up. And suddenly the music of teh giant footprint in front of ness was sucked into teh sound stone. So ness got his baseball bat and wet downstairs.

When he left the shack, he saw six polices and they started beating up ness because he wasn't allowed in there. So ness killed four of the five and the fifth one ran away... but Ness cought up and killed him and ate his heart. Then the police general came up and took Nes by the hat and stabbed him in the heart. Ness then decided that he should kill him. So he did.

But then the Onett army came after ness, and I was too tired to kill all of them, so I left to the next town, which is called Tuscon.


	2. Chapter 2

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Too! Ness meats a hawt gurl!

OK, so I was in Tuscon after I wakled through a drak tunnl in da woodz. Nao I waz inn Tuscon and I was going into da hotl looking for hawt womenz (I luvs hawt chiks near hotels. That gets me goin GOOD.) Suddenli I noticed an old guy who was lookin for his datter.

"Who iare you luking for, old giy?" I asked.

"My dotter, young mahn. She waz kidnapped by dudes in blu and I wanner bak."

"Iz zhe hawt?" I asked. He rplide yes, and showd me a pic of her. I stated to wana do 'er.

So I left and beggan walkin to da bike shop and stole a biek frum teh bike shopp and killd teh Bike shop owner with oen of his own bikes. It was Awesoem!

So I rode mai biek into a cave dat took me ove rto... ... ... ... A HUGE METAL PENCIL! IT WAS GIANT AND BIG AND HUGE AND MADE OF METAL! So I took off my clothes in front of it and it melted. Yah, Nes is dat hawt!

So ness begahn riding his biek to a strange village where people werez all waring blue. And the people began telling me dat teh Blu Godz was gonna kill me if I didn't be blu liek them! So I killed them with my seyekik powas of thunda and ice! Except for da womens, whom I make out with before killin' dem.

Den da door to dair lair opened up and i walked inside. I saw a women Happy Happiest and I stole her cloths. She seemed to liek it when I took dem. All gurls i meat want mee, y'know.

So I wakled thru the plaec and a dude stopped me and asked me if I wanted ta join dem. I said NO at first, but den they told me dat they could make me a god. I agreed when he said dat they loved ta kill people liek me.

SO I walked inside and asked their leader if I could join the Happy Happiests. He said yes and gave me a magic badge that let me reflect lightning. Then he told me dat they had a hot babe hostage and wanted me to do her so I could attain godhood. So I got on my bike and left.

I went into another caev and started to put on the Happy Happist uniform the girl gave me. When I left teh cave I saw a building which i went into when i got inside i saw... ... ..A hawt babe! She waz tuchin herselv adn I licked it! She finally noticed me a few weeks later. "Oh hai dere" she sed. "Yu must be nesss. I had dreams about you ;)"

"Woah really" I said becayse she was like super hawt. So i opend her cell and we started to do it. She even used her psykic powers to make herself hotter and the sx more fun! It was, like, fifty twoand a haf weeks later when we were dun. She started to maek out wif me and den we left. Suddnly Pokey munchin came!

Porky and I began to fight because we hated each other. "I kidnapped that babe there and now, i'm gonna do her! :D"

"Not if I kill you first!" Suddenly I used all my power in one explosive attack... PK LOVE! (Because, I luv Paula and I luv killing people and I luv bein a Happy Happiest and I lurv bein a cannibull). The attack wiped out the whole area wif da bulding and killed pokey, but it also killd Paula. but i revied her wif may six.

So paula and I were walkin to the Happy Happiests place when their leader Carpenter came... and he turned me into a god! OMS IT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LAFE!

So paula and ness were doing it to da extreme when suddenly, ness desided to take Paula to somewhere else. So they ran into a big tunnel and went into a big cave and fought a big mole and ate a big dinner. Eventuay they made it to the second santcuary and another mleody waz put into dat sownd stune.

Dat snactuary had a big ol fountan wif milk cumming out of it. Ness tought it waz hawt. Paula tought it waz hawt too cause the fountin and the milk reminded her of her boobz, witch ness pormptly tuchd dna pladed wiff. So ness and paul left da snactury and went to another town calld Threek.

They went on a buss and did it while on da buss. Eventually everyone on da buss joined in on the six... until da bsu crashd. Olny Nes and Plua survived.

The whole town of Thred waz drark and spooky. ghosts were everywhere. zombies were everywhere. and aliens were everywhere. Paua and I coudn't waet.


	3. Chapter 3

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Tree! Ness meats anuthur hawt gurl!

OK so palua and I was walkin in Threed when we were fightin ghosts and zombies and gai vampires (cuz evryone knows vampirs suk and are gai and only dumm gurls liek dem). So we wnt over 2 da hotl to do hawt babes (well I did cause palla's a gurl an she don't liek homo).

I swa neer da hottel a hawt baybe with huge bobs and i really wanted hur ta doo me. So I ran twords hur and into da hotell. We gott into a hottel rooom and we did it fur days. i had like five hundred organisms. and she had liek five hundred and fiftee too!

Suddenly she turned into a zombee and killd palla and trappd me undurground. with da help of hur frunds, de othur zombees and gosts.

Paulla and I were trapped undurgrund and palla was prayin to Satin askin him to bring a Happu Happyist to help us. When she was dune we desided to do each uther to appese the demons (cuz da demuns luv underayge six).

We stupped doin sux maybe a few yeers latur whin I reelizd dat we needed sumthin to drink. so palla gave me hur bobbs and i gave her my organisms. We keppt feedin each uther liek dat whin suddinly sumwon fell into da room. His naem wuz... Juff!

HE full in when I wuz doon Paula in da but. It was embaressin, but Jeff tought it wuz hawt. Palla let Jeff do hur for a wile. iT wuz onlly for a few minnutes but Jiff seemed 2 liek it. He toled us dat he hadunt seen a gurl fur so long except for his gurlfrend toni. but they never did it togethur witch sux (everywon should do it tugethur! Its funn!)

So Jiff openned up da door and we left out of dere. We were ambushd by a bunch of scarey zombees and gosts. Jeff then got out a big gun and blew them all up wiff it. "HOLIE SHUT!" PALLa and I crid owt wif laud voices. Paula wuz so impressd that she started to do Jeff and made him organsmate!

That wuz Jefs first organsm. and he luvd it a lawt. SO we went to anothur undurground playce into the tunnel and found a secret place. There were small tan balls wif legs and a big nose and a single haer and a red bo on their hair. They talked all wierd liek.

They toled us where to find da Lillypad Steps, da next snacktuary. They aslo gaev us sum humane flesh (mai fave food) and we all did each other (mai fave thing). SO we ran into a big ash labratory behind a walterfall. we opened it by makin tons of noyse for tree hours! :D

We wint inside and fate lots of vomit creachers and we killd them. Just den, one of the vommut crechurs came up and askd us niecly to do him. So palla did the krechur. Jeff did a femmale vomit crechur and I did there leder, Master Bealch (who wuz a feemale). Mastur belch said dat she was a survunt of da Dark Lurd Giygass and dat ness wuz de onlee persun who culd defet Guygass. Ness said dat he didnt wanna kill Giygas and dat he just wanted deth and sehx. Mistress Beltch (Thats what Ness is gonna kall hur frum nao on) agreed wif ness and gave him her virility.

Misttres Balch and Ness decided to work together to go up to Gaygass and tell him tat they would wurk tugether to bring aboot de apoclayps. Belch shaype shifted into a hawt big bobd chick in a bikini who didnt look al vomitty an stuf. Insted she luked really hawt and made me tuch maiself.

So ness and palla and jeff and Mistriss went into a secret ruum with a forest and small futprints. But then a big plant came! It looked liek a big sprout and tried to kill da four of us. It knockd mistress bleach out and I combusted into teers. I desided to unleash a really angry power onto the damm Spout wiff my super powerful PK BEAM! A huge blast of rainbo energy shot out of my hands and belly! It killd everyone in Saturn Vally and Treed xcept for Mistress and Jeff and Poula! We relly had fun watchin all da deth.

We went inside of da snaturary and got anuthur medley for da stone. IN the place Jeff gave Bleck but six and I gave Palla da sayme. The too hot baybes started screming passively and yellin wif exctreme and enjoyed luv. So we left and wint bak 2 threed and killd any survivorz of mai attak.

Suddenli Jeff fixd da buss we broke and drove it to a desert while Mistress Belchh waz doin sum ded corpses. I laffed as she rapd da dead guys and I tought dat she wuz hawt. So we made out. Her breth stunk and i luvd it so much.

Finally jeff got us 2 da desert but dere wuz a traffik jamm so we all had to get off... but furst Palla and Mistress set da bus on fyre. LOL! :D


	4. Chapter 4

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Fore! Hour herows kill evrywon! :D

OK, so ness and palla and jeff an Mistriss Belch wur stunk in a traffik jam aftur blowin up an settin fyre 2 a bus filld wif ded peples. So we wint to a departmint store and met a militairy guy.

"Hey Jeff" he said "U wanna bye super xsploses kid? U can kill lotsa pepoles wiff dem!"

"Sure but how do ya kno mai name?" Jeff askd

"Your girlfriend Toni calld me and tolded me dat you liek big xspolseves so Im gunna give u dem freee!" He said happily (cause he was wereing blue army clothes and wuz a happihappist.)

And Jeff got like a million bombs. butt da military guy told him dat the bombs would blow up a city if tehy ent off. So Jeff tried it... and it only blue up da building! Jeff wuz madd and killd da gui and dey left the wooden convenience story.

So we decided to kill a few construktion wurkers whoo wure diggin a hoel in da dessert. We jumpt in da hole and found... ... ... .. ... . ... ... ... ... . ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... .. ... .. ... . ... .. . . ... . ... a HUGE DIAMOND da size of a city! I stuffd it in mai bakpak and the for of us did it in da hole. LOLOLOLOL!

So we all wint to foreside but we couldnt cause there waz a bug traffick jam! So Jeff threw like fiftytwo hundred and a half bomms to the jam and I started doing Paulla and Mistress Belchie to get mai power to level up! Then I summond all mai power of hate and lust to use a mega powerfulattak! PK... LUST! Suddenly the skies turned to orgashimasm and rained fiery deth onto all da cars and dey melted and turnd to bluud. Their skreams culd be hurd for miles away, even all da way to wherever Guiygas wuz.

And da gurls drank all da orgashm and bluud and mastikated while tinking about me and jeff. Then me and jeff did da too hawt babes Paula and Mistress Belch.

When we were finally done (maybe a few years or so layter) we went through da train tunnel to... .. ... ... Foreside! And we went to da tv stores and killd evryone dere and stole all da tvs and stuffd dem into Paula's huge bra (she had trripplle O cupzz). So we went to da bar and got drunk and I hayd sexx wif all da girlz in da bar. We met a gui named Monopoly who ownd da city. Palla sedusd him and did him... but den Palla was kidnappd by Monopoly!


	5. Chapter 5

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Fieve! We go sayve Palla frum da Monopoly! :D

OK so Palla wuz kidnappd by Monopoly so we had 2 go save her!

First we wint to da Mall (cause Mistriss Belch wantd 2 go dere) and we robbd da sture. We saw da Military gui in a secret room and Mistriss had big hex wiff him befor killin him. and den she did him again. Wile he wuz ded. And we all mastikatered to it.

Mystress Belch and Jeff were stealling sum bomms and gunns frum da toi crates and Palla and I were doin each uthor. Palla used PK Bob Gruw and PK Bob Mikl. to make me luv hur.

I alwais lustd fur Paulla. I wuld nevur kill hur, even if she wuz da last purson on urth. Da fourth of us went outsied and were goin 2 da theatr to watch da pron sho, but den all da lights went off and Paula wuz kidnappd bai an alien! ONOES!

So da tree of uz who wure still lehft wehnt up 2 da topp fluur and wentt 2 da head purson's ruum! But Jeff and i had mega sixx with Mistriss to build up our strength (If you hadnt noticd yet pepoles get strongr when dey hav sux. And dey become legendary when dey have hex oftenn. Its true just try it! :D)

So da next week it ended and Ness opennd da duur wif his metal baseballl batt made of fire. Dere waz an alien wiff huge tentakles and Ness began charging hiz powa when suddenly Mistress Blech desided to do the alien. The alien didnt like his tentakles in Bliechs' apple pie. but he couldnyt move. mystress waz turning bak into a vomit pile 2 melt de alien. Then I told hur 2 get off of him but she wanted 2 come first so we waited a moment.

suddenly Mistress belch came all over da alien and he was a hafmelted pile of goo. I decided 2 use mai lust 4 Mistress and Paula to use a super speshal awesome PSI Attak: PK... MEGADEATHBEAM! And suddenly I wuz engulfed in blu energi and a powerful enurgy orb coverd my body. Da sky outside turnd 2 night and turnd blood red. Da blue energy shot at da alien wiff powaful enurgy beam of doom. Da departmant sturm turnd 2 dust. We all fell lightly on da grund frum 682673 mills in de air.

Da night moon wuz red liek blood. I new just whu kidnappd mai Pallua: Monopoly! But we wanted 2 get drunkd furst so da 3 of us went 2da coffie bar 2 get drunk! :D

We got drnuk and killd evryone in da room and both of us did Mistriss Belch and she yelled her love of us! We luvd hur too, but Paula is de only one I really luvd.

So we got super drunk and used some special drugs dat Mistriss had and suddenly, we were troppin out in a magick land...


	6. Chapter 6

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Sexx! We tripp owt in an awesum playce!

(AN: Pleese feel free 2 maek a review. Jost B niec, k?)

OK, so we were, liek, in a noen colurd wurld and we, liek, wure su cum fused. So jeff and i did mistress Belch and we leik, luvd it. We nedded 2 fiynd Palla and sive hyr frum Monopoly or else she wuld like dye and stuff. and shy wus like de onlee purson i didnt want 2 dye.

So we liek wakld thru da town witch luked like a neon vurson uf Foresied xcept everywun was liek a hawt baybe! And Jeff and I liek did all da hawt baybs. Mistruss srated 2 sok mai carrot and I luved it! den she did Jidf and he lurved it. Den we killd all da womin in da neon sity who didnt liek our six and ate dem. dere blood tasted bettur den othur pepolez.

Suddinly da sky turnd balk and read. A big skray fayce appeerd in da sky. It sayd: "I AM GUYGAHZ. I AM DA DRARK LURD. YALL WILL OBEI ME!" Giygahz sayd. SO we all bowd down 2 him.

Suddinly, Guygaz told uz dat he wuz a gawd liek me. He sed dat he maid da happi happiests and wunted dem 2 be mien. Gaygas sed dat he wuz aktually a gurl und wuntid 2 do me. SO he turnd in2 a hot baybe. she wuz evun huttr den i imagind. "mai nayme iz Hawt Giygaz. Bow down 2 me." she sed. So I did.

She gayve me da best sehx eva. It felt liek shee posessd mai hole body wiff hur hawtnezz. She uzed hur dark powas 2 ryde mee 4 liek tenn yeerz. Win we endid she tolded me dat it wuld feel evin bettur win she mett me in real lief (cuz dis wuz leik a dream sequenx almost). So Hawt Gaigas let meee fell hur up and gayve me a gun.

"Imma gonna tayke ova da wurld ness" she sed seeduktavely. "an i want u 2 be mai prins" I sed yes cause she wuz liek hawt "and 2gethur we wil kill evrywun" and ness and Hawt Giygas laffed evilly and stiff. Togethur da 2 wuld tayke ova da wurld.

"So wats yur friendz namez, ness" Hawt Giygass sad 2 ness.

"Diz is Jeff Benson and Mistriss Belch." ness replied. "jeff is liek a super smrat guy wiff a small stick but a lawt uf bihg ahss guhnz. Mistruss Bleach is yo minion who iz a huuker wiff bigh ahzz bobs. She duz any boi no mattur da pingas siyze." wille ness wuz tellin Hawt Guygazz dis Jeff an mistruss wure doin it hardcore XD.

And hawt Guygazz taught Jiff and Mistriss Belch and ness a noo PSI muve witch day cood do 2gethur. But inurder 2 do it dey had 2 have sixx fur liek a million yearz! But den she liek gayve us sum humman flush 2 eat and sum bluud 2 drink and we luvd it. She den toled us dat da blood we drank wuz frum a gawd naymd Zoos and he wuz liek da thunda gawd. So win all for of uz drunk it we wuld have gr8 sixx no matta watt! Den Hawt Guygazz tawt mee dat da flesh is de most importint thing an dat U shuld worshup only yurself. And she wuz RITE!

So I bowd down an praid 2 Hawt Giygass thanxing hur 4 all da stuff she don. And shee gayve me mega hawt sexx in return! :DD

So she took da for of uz 2 a statoo in da senta of da town and toled us 2 luk into da eyes of da statoo 2 see da future. Shee sed dat it can sho da past or prezunt or da footure, and dat she dont know wat i'll see. so I luked into da I's of da statyou and I saw... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... . ... ... ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... DA FUTURE!

I saw mai hometwon O'nett bein' burnd down an evrywon ded. Den I saw Tuscon bein fludded and evrywon ded. Den I saw all uv Threek bein blown off da fluckin map an evrywon ded. And I saw me an mai harem gurlz drinkin all da bluud and eatin all da flesh in da wurld. An den I saw me an da reader of dis stury wachin a moovie 2gethur calld Plann Nien Frum Outta Spayce. And it was AWESUM! (I luv dat moovie :))

An den I saw Palla wiff bigga bubbies and we wur doin it 2gethur. Den our orgashm furmd itself in2 a ball and bekame a planit! Den we did it liek a bunch moar timez and our organsm ballz formd in2 a hole bunch o planits! Eventualy we mayd liek a noo univurse! Den we killd evrywon in dat yunivurse and did it liek ova again and kept makin noo unvursis at it wuz liek awsum.

"Dis is wut will happin if U joyn me" hawtgigas said "I will mayke U an Palla godds and U will both kill evrywon. It'll B awsum!" so i joind da evul siyde an bekame Ness da Gawd uf Evrythink!

SO Hawt Giygazz gayve me a goodby makeout and we woke up in da cofee shup bakroom. And all of us were liek naked and covurd in organsm.


	7. Chapter 7

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Sevin! We finalee find Palla and a new hawt baybe!

(AN: PLEES GIVE A REVIOUEW! im gettin lonly wiffout anywon noticin mai wurk... :()

OK so we liek finalee got owt of da bar an Mistriss and Jeff wure tuchin eech uthor. Cuz mystriss wuz liek a hore and jeff liek just stoppd bein a vurgin and nao he licked sixx. So i saw a polise offisur and i desided 2 kill him kuss i wuz liek thursty. four blood.

So we liek wint ovaa 2 da theeatur 2 see da pr0n shwo. And dere wuz a hawt baybe namd Venuz an she had liek bobs dat wure bigga den pallas! An hur fayce wuz prittyer. an hur vaj wuz wettur den paulaas an i culd put mai twelv inch dikk in2 hur bettur. an it felt amazink!

"Wats yur nayme?" Vemus askd?

"Im ness" sed ness, whos pens was gettn bigga by da sekond. "Im a 12 yeer old boi whoo luvs 2 kill pepole an animalz an i'm a happy happyist slash satanist cannibullwho luvz gettin dun. mai ful naime iz Ness Cain Murderer Xemnas Lucifur Asmo'Deus Bowser Sunset Peoplekiller Nintendo Jr." I sed.

"Wel, yu sem liek a niyce kid. wanna do it?" so ness and venus did it 2gethur an I loved it! She did mee bettur den Palla evur culd. she had betta milk den Palla an hur mouth wuuz tastyur. she kuld tunng me liek no gurl evuur culd. da 2 uv us went 2 hur houss 2 wtch pr0nz and sakrifise baybees 2 Satin an hiz demonz. Den we summond da devilz demonz 2 giv us amazin zexx. An we came so hard dat da demons dat we summind deid cauz we were so hawt! So I and Wenus drankd the bluud of da demonz an ate dere flesh... an we luvd it!

Meenwile Jiff an Mistriss wure doin each uthur in da theeatur. Then Da polices came! Dey tryd 2 arrrestt Mystress Blelch 4 doin it with a unduraje kidd but Jef shot dem wiff hizz gunn! LOL! Den Mistriss Bleck soakd dere blood up wiff hur tongg. Den jeff an Belch made outt! :D (P.S. I no dis bcause Jeff toled me. I wuz still at da Venuss's howse, K?)

Den I suddinly remumburd dat Paulla wuz kidnappd bye Monopoly! I had 2 sayve hur! But... Vennus' body wuz buttur... an now I luvd hur moar...

"Venus, I luv yu moar den mai gurlfrend!" I roared passively to her!

"I LUST FUR U TO, NESSY!" she whispurd into mai pantz. So nezz and hiz new gurlfrend left hur houze an wint 2 da departmint sture 2 make luv in frunt of evrybudy. Den da polices came! Dey wure mad dat we wure nakid in public, but venus walkd up 2 dem an chockd him! Den she used her boobz az batz 2 hit da police with! Den she pulld a gun frum her cleevage and shot da cheef of polices! An Den she shot a powaful PK Fire Omegaa blast frum her vajinna! I didnt no she culd do dat!

"ness..." she sed seductively... "Im a happy happiest slash stanist, too. I serv da devill like U. An da devill mayde me a gawd."

"AWESOME!" I shouted quietly. "I luv devilwurshippurz! :D" so we did it in publick and sum kids came. Dey askd venuz how 2 hayve sexxx. So she taught dem wiff hur bodee! :)

Suddenly sumone came in andI rekognized it azz... ... ... ... ... ... . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. . . ... . . . . ... ... ... Palla! And she wuz lukin at mee an Venusss doin it. She hadd da ded bodee uv Monopoly in hur handz. She smild and Venuzz an Palla did me togethur.

"Ness..." paula sed "I usd da powa of da devil 2 eskape an he told me dat U wur doin anuthur gurl wifout mai permisson." I told hur sorry. "its ok nass. i'll let hur joyn us! :D" so a new membur joind our teamm. Hur nayme wuz Venus!

Now here's all da memburs of our teem so far in kase U froggot: Ness, Paula, Jeff, Mistress Belch, an Venus! So Weenus told us dat she had a sekret sixx spot for boyz dat she relly lovd. she kalld it Vagnet Hill (Cuz it smelld like a vag an it attrakted boys liek a magnett XD).

So we wint thru da soowers 2 get dere. The soowurs smelt badd, so we all luvd da small (espeshally Belchy, cuz she wuz a shape-shiftin vomit lady wiff big bobs). Da ladies wure swimmin in da soower watur an gettin all muddy! I tought dat it wuz hawt... :D

We met a hobo in da sewur named Chester A. Bum an Mistriss Blelch did him hard. He luvd it. Den Mistriss tok his hart out an cookd it for all of us 2 eat! Yay! So we sat dere in da room in da soower eatin cookd hobo hert wen suddinly a gost came from behind us! We all tried to kill da stinky gost but we koldnt!

Jeff trid 2 shot da gost wiff his gunz, but it faild! Palla tried two cast black PSI magic at da gost but she coodnt! I trid 2 youse mai batt but it wint rite thru him! Den Mistriss sed: "You kant kill a gost! evryting goss thru gosts!

She wuz rite! Evryting DID go thru gosts! So i dessided 2 use a mega powaful PSI Powa! I told palla 2 make out wiff me wile Venus rode mee an Mistriss belch soakd mai cok. aftur a day or too I was redy! I got up an usd PSI... GOSTKRUSH! Suddinly, i felt tiem brek apart an da gost wuz bekomin humman! den a powafull enurgy blast came frum mai peepee an blew up all uv Foresied in a wite xplosion!

Den we walkd thru de ashs of foresied 2 da Snacktuary! Dere wuz a big meatal thing and a kee wuz attatch 2 it. i took da key (it lookd liek mai "mancarrot") an put it in mai bakpak. Den i smelld da metal think an it smalld like venusses' "apple pie." SO da 5 of us left foresied to go bak 2 da desurt an rayp somwone. :)

Mai adventor wuz jost begging.


	8. Chapter 8

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Ate! We reeturn 2 da dessurt!

(Otter's Noyte: Dis chapta iz ixtreemly offinsive 2 stopid kristianz, so if u r a cristin an u r reedin dis, YOU ARE STOOPID AN SHULD DIE! tank yu.)

OK so we wure liek goin 2 da desert wen sudinly da Foresied polce came aftur us! Jef stabbd them wif hiz gunn but den he wuz shot thu da hart wif a polese nife! I killd him wif mai PK THUNDA skillz. AN den I ate der bodiez an blood an I lUVD it! :D

So jeff an palla an mystresss blelch an venuss an I wnt 2 da desty doons dessurt. It wuz all hawt an swetty and we had 2 do each uthur 2 keep cold. Den we saw, liek, thee brothurs naymed Poncho, Senyour, and Tomas Jefferson. Dey wure mexican gamblurz ande azzzazzzinz whoo wure teid to da devill. We dessided 2 talk 2 dem.

"Hey dere, we're da Mexikan Gambla Bruthas. W're gunna kill ya." then we took of dere ahrmz. "OK! OK! WE'LL BE NYCE!" dey wispurd. so we, like, told dem 2 be our slaves. De otha 2 sed no, but Tomas sed yess. So Tommas joind us an we liek killd da othurz. And ate dem.

So Tommass sed dat Satan wantid himm 2 kill Picky 'kus he was leik gonna B a kristian in da future and liek Cristins are liek horriblee stoopid pepole. (AN: IT'S TROO!)

So dey all liek wint bak 2 o'nett winn suddinly... ... ... . ... .. ... ... .. . ... . ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. ... ... . ... the whole Eaggland ahrmy apperd! An dey all wantid ness ded 'cuz he killd a lot uv peepole an destreyd onett and foresied an dey wure elso mad dat dey hadd ben in publik nekkid.

So I desided 2 summun up mai PSI powwas 2 kill dem all by doin all 3 gurlz at wonce. but den! Da polises desided 2 shoot a gurls! Didunt dey no dat "Sex is a Free Aktion?"

"Hey ya stoopid kristan morins!" I yelld! "Seex is a free aktion! Dat meens dat I kan hahv sexxx ass longg az i want b4 i kill u!" Da polices agreedd.

So I wuz liek doin da gurlz whin i suddinly reelizd dat da polise left! an da millitairy! Dey mist hav guttin borrd uf wtchin mee du girlz. SO jeff and ness an palla an Mistryss Blelch andd Veenus and Tomas wind up da hilll 2 Pokey's howse 2 killl pikky b4 he bikkame a stoopid kristan. So we wuz liek cummin up da hilll an I liek saw... MAI MOMM! (Dis wuz ispeshally weerd cuz i had leik killd mai fammily liek a hundrid yeers bak). "WAT R U DOIN YUNG MAN!" she yelld 2 me. "WAI DID YU KIYLL ME?"

"Cuz U wure a kristan" i yelld 2 hur "an Imma satinist slash happyhappiest murdurer pluss promiskuous teenajur! Derefore, thou shalt bleed 2 deth!" so i trid 2 kill mai mom agan but mai nife wint rite thru hur! I disided 2 yell mai fave cuss wurds att hur (liek fok an shep an dammm) an shi startid 2 cry. i laffd at hur ass shi krid.

Den i took owwt da gun dat Hawt Gayass gayve mee an shott hur wiff it. Hur layst wurds wur "Dunt givv in 2 da drarkness, Nesss. Yur hart hath been turnd 2 sinn, but Gawd cann stil sayve U if yu lett hym." den shee vanishd. Den I drank hur bluud an laffd ass I did. Cus I wuz da noo godd nao.

So we liek wint to Pokkeys hause an opind da duur. I opind it an I saww... ... ... ... ... .. ... . Poket! Pokey wiz liek cryin kus he liek killd sumwon. i saw dat da polises wint hear 2 killl Pokie cuz he killd one purson. ONLY WON! I kuldn't billieve it! Dat wuzn't kool at all! He had 2 killl moar dan dat 2 be a guud villin! So I liek took hiz left ahrm of an rappd hiz moom 2 get mai strenth. Den I summind all mai powwa in2 a single attak... PK... NUKLEAR!

Den a huje newclear bomm apperd cuz of mai sykik powas and lustt an exploded amazinkly, totally destroying de entire citty of On'ett. Evrywon dyed eithur frum da exploshun or frim da noocleur gassis. It wuz AMAZINK!

But I luvd killin da peeople an nun of mai frinds dyed. Xcept 4 tomas (he died an we killd him an we drank hiz bluud an sakrificd him 2 da devill.) So nao dat we finishd our misshun we leik wint 2 a beech in Summas 4 vakation, usin Veenus's PSI TELLIPORT skillz.


	9. Chapter 9

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Nyne! Ness an hiz frendz go 2 Da beetch!

Ok, So we wure liek in da ashis of O'ne'tt an i grabbd Venuss' hand an we all liek wint 2 Summas, a beech playce. Summas wuz laek in a hole new kuntry so da On'ett polises an Eggland millitary cant fiynd mee an mai frends an mai hors.

Suddinly, I saw liek a giyant rat trien 2 kill palla mai gurlfrend so I liek got mai batt an hit da rat wiff mai bat (AN: haha gett it? XD) Den Palua got in2 hur bikiny an i got int2 mai boxxerz (witch showd mai twelv futt pens) An den Pauula got owt da TV frum hur cleevage an we watchd TV wiff it (maynly PR0N Showz). Da TV rann on batteriez an we hadd 2 get sum moar cuz da batturies wur runnin low. Den da TV sed dat all da batturies in da world had bin stollin an da onlee batturies left wur in Winturz (Juff'z hoemtwon). So we liek usd Veenus' PK TELLEPORT 2 get dere.

Winn we gott dere, Palla an Mistress an Veenus started 2 mastikate (kuz dey wure liek durty hors) an Jeff srated 2 look 4 toni hizz gurlfrend. Afta lookin arownd in dat cold playce we finally found hur in a cave bein trappd bai a big jaint ! So ness an jeff startid 2 kill da shruum win Paula had an idea: eat da mushruum! So Venus killd da shruum wiff hur sity-sizd brestz an Ness cookd da shruum with hiz PK Fire! An den all of dem ate da shruum.

Jeff ran up 2 hiz gurlfrend. Toni an jeff kissd and huggd but when Jeff wuntd 2 do hur, she wuz all liek "Letz wait 4 dat untill were maried, OK?" Jeff wuz frurious (ass he shuld be) So he liek shot hur in da armz. She startid 2 cry, tellin Jeff dat she wuz sorry but jeff wuz 2 smart 2 give in.

"Win I left da skool I lurnd wat sexx wuz. So I dissided 2 dedikate mai life 2 satin, betch!" he sed.

Toni startid cryin. "No, Jeff! Don't let Datin yuse yo!"

"Yo kristan byitch!" Jeff yelld at hur! Den I wint ovur 2 rayp Toni an I did 4 liek 7 howurz an nyne munthz. Win we wur dun shee wuz liek pregnant (She didnt hav Palla or Mystress or Venuss's powurz of sixx). Den I stukk mai nyfe thru hur belli 2 kill da feetus insyde hur. She wuz cryin cuz I killd hur baybe but I told hur dat it aint a baybe 'till it cums owt an its biin aliyve fur a wile. But shee wuz a stoopid kristan liek mai fammily, so I used mai newest PK move... PK... ... ... ... ... ... ... MEGABORTION! Den she wuz liek slisd in 2 with lazurs fum nowere an I laffd as hur body wuz ded on da grownd. Den hur bodee XPloded an Jeff ate hur bai cookin hur ovur a fyre an drinkin hur bluud. An all uv us had funn bai doin eech uthur..

Den I saw dat Jeff wint ovaa 2 his dads labb (cuz he wuz liek a sientist an a kristian) so jeff liek wint 2 kill himmm. An he took a nife an stabbd him in da hed an took off hiz ahrm. But suddinly, JEffs dad drank a pottion an turnd in2... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... . . .. ... ...A PONY! An U NO how much I hayte ponees! So I killd da unikorn pony naymed Twilite Sprarkel an drank its bluud. Kus I luvv blood!

Nao we had 2 leeve so we kuld have fun at da beech nao dat we had battaries (we stule dem frum DR ANDONUTS (juff's uncle) an we left 2 hav sexx in da beech.


	10. Chapter 10

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Tenn! Ness an hiz frendz gett sum drugz!

(AN: I furgot 2 menchun dat Ness DID get da mellody in Winturs aftur beetin da mushroom. But ness wuz 2 bizzy rapping Toni dat bich 2 notiss dat hiz Sownd Ston had gottin da melodee).

OK, so nao dat we had battariez, we startid watchin moar durty stuff on TV win da ski startid 2 gett darke. Den Mystris an jedf starded doin itt 2gethur an Venus and Palla startid doin it wiff me. But den da polise came! And dey didnt like it win dey saw us nekkid an doin it in pubic. So dey wunted us 2 liek go 2 gail... but den I got owt mai metal bayseball batt an killd him so hahrd! Den all da polices stot me... an den I remmemburd wat Hawt Guygas an da Happi Happiestz did: day mayde me a GAWD!

Suddinly, I felt all mai powar cumming thru mai bodee! I used a mega powaful attak dat disintegrated dem! But suddinly, I fellt sooooooooooooooo ...

An win I woak up, I wuz in frunt of a guy wiff a bigg ash mustashe. "Hey kidd" he sed "did ya liek dem druggz?" he askkd. I den rememburd dat i wint 2 him afta watchin da pr0nz on TV 2 get sum drugz.

"Ya, does wure gooooood!" i toled him. "Wat else ya gat?"

"Well mai wife makez sum cayke wiff hur drugz. Shes insyde dat clubb ova dere." and so I wint 2 dat clubb.

Da club wuz full of small-bristed womenz (onlee K-cups!) an dey wure all nekkid. onlee one hadd bigg wones: Da drugg deeler's wyfe! Hurz wure liek da siyze of da urth! So i wint ovur 2 hur an startid soakin on hur bobees. she liek organsmed liek sevinteen tiymes in da furst fyou sekondz.

Den shee liek felld in luvv wif me. An we liek killd evrywon in da club. cuz shee wuz liek a stanistt. An b'cuz I liek did hur reely well, she liek gayve me hur druggz an den we usd our blakk magickz on da prezident of Summas 2 turn him in2 a chainsaww! An da 2 of us wint on a killin spriee. An I used liek mai Mega Awesome PSI Powwas 2 kill all da peeople in Summmas. Den I used mai powwers of PK... DOOMMETEOR! Den a giant bigadd meteor wint down frum da skiez 2 kill all da peeoplez in da playce. It wuz ass big ass da moon! An it wuz cuverd in FYRE! An I drankd all da blood in a wurld an mixd it wiff mai MAGIC CAKE drugz.

(AN: remembur teenz: Drugz R GOOD! parintz alwayz lie an dont stay in skoolz. den U can use mega awesum PSI powwaz liek NESS!)


	11. Chapter 11

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Illevin! Nes meetz a gui namd Feesez!

(AN: Im naught a TROLL! Dunt sayy im a trull! Wy wuld U evur think dat I wuz a trull? Be niece nexxt tyme, OK?)

OK, So liek win Ness tuuk da awsum drugg he liek wint 2 liek a majik land calld Dala'am were he sawd a gui nayed Feeses who wuz da prinss of da Laam. Hee wuz liek a balk gui wiff onlee a littul hare on hiz hed. Sins he wus liek da princc of Daalam, he wuz liek doin all da womenz of dallam cuz he wuz so hawk.

Den I saw dat hiz sword wuz gaone so he culdnt do anymoar gurlz. An dat's terribel. Den I saw dat Satan Himselff came 2 Feces an tolde him dat hiz sworde wuz takken bye Hawt Guygass an she usez it 2 mastikate.

So Feces summund all hiz powa 2 teliport 2 ness an his frendz. He told dem dat he wuz gunna kil Hawt Giygazz an get hiz sword bak (cuz wiffout his Sword of Kingzz he cant do gurlz). But den Satin sed 2 all of dem in a dreem dat dey shuld nevur kill Hawt Guygass and insted help hur destroee da world! So dey all agred!

SO den I wint 2 da boatz an we liek killd da saylorz on da boatz an stole dem! Hahaha! So den weee road da boatz in2 da see win we liek saw da krackin! Da Krakkin wuz liek a giyant see monstur! He toled us dat he wuz liek frum Gawd and wuz liek gunna tell uz dat we wur doin rong. but i dont lissin 2 kristin peeoplez liek dat! So I liek summuned all mai PSI Powaas 2 kill da beest!

"Fo hatez sayke I spet my lahst breth at thee!" I shouted! "PK... WATURSTORM!" Den da hole oshin liek xploded an turnd 2 fire! :D

Da krakin died slowwwwly... an he liek toled me dat dere wuz still guud in mee! "You Lier! I told" himm! "I amm A SATINIST HAPPI HAPPYIEST AN I KILLD YU SO DERE! HA!" An den I laffed an da thundur made thunder noyses! Den I tolld him dat I wuz Gawd nao an I will liek d-stroy da wurld! BWAHAHAHAHA!


	12. Chapter 12

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Twelvn! Nes killz a towwa!

(AN: Nao dat we're gettin pritty farr in2 da storee, culd sum1 put dis storyy on TvTropez? I think dat it's guud enuff 4 dem, rite? I'd do it maiself but I dont have da tiyme, sadlee.)

OK, so nao dat da oshen wuz liek dryed up we liek wint 2 laynd. Den we liek saw da peepole of da playce liek wure all peeseful. I lieked it there. BUT DEN! Den we saw dat dey wure all kristianz! Den da devill liekk wisperd in mai ear an toled me dat he wantid me 2 kill al da peepole bai finding a giyant towur an movin it hear. So I liek wint in2 da desert an palla an jeff an feeses an Venus an Mystress Belch went wiff me.

So wile we wure in da desurt, I tuuk out mai thing an mayde Palla an Veenus suk it. An shee liekd it. So den we liek wint 2 da senter of da desurt an fownd a giyant towaar! But I culdnt open it :(

Den Mistress Belch turnd in2 her vomit formm an opend da towaa wiff her evil magiks. Cuz evilll magics are HAWT!

So we liek walkd inside da tower (witch was liek shaped like a hawt baybe). So da 6 of uzz wint in2 da top of da gurl-shaped towar an saw a hawt baybe wuz cuntrolling it!

"Hello there mai frends" she sed sickductably. "Imma here 2 kill all da peepole in da wurld wiff mai hawt towar! U see, da towar is so sexxy dat whoevur lukks at it cant reesist cumming closer... den dey get liek smash'd! :D"

"Wow I liek your plann. Wats your nayme?" I askd her.

"Mai nayme is Dungeon Girl! Im a bad gurl whoze been in dis dessurt 4 liek a hundrid years, but mai bodee still luks liek i'm 14!"

so den we liek "dit it" in da towaar an we movd it ovaar 2 da citee. I liekd watchin all da bluud goin evreewhere! :D

An den da devil wisperd in mai eer again. "Thou must kill da bitch, Dark'Ness. Dat is yur destinee, chosen one of drakness." So den, when she liek killd evryone in da citee, I tuuk da gun dat Hawt Giygas gayv me an shot hur in da hart! :D All mai frends wure shockd dat I did it, but den dey disided dat Dungeon Gurl taysted guud. Den we all liek had an orgee wile drinkin hur bluud an eeting hur fleshes. So den I desided 2 D-stroy all da desert cause I wuz madd. So I liek summond all mai powaa and used... PK... CONTINENTBREAKER! DEN a giant hamma appeard frum da sky and I said "I"LL SMASH IT WITH A HAMMA!" Den da hole continent wuz d-stroyed Xcept for a big mountain in da sky.

"Dat is mai home" Feeses sed about da mountain. "Its calld Da'lamma, and it's my home."

So all of us liek wint over 2 da mountan.


	13. Chapter 13

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Thirteen! Nezz b'comes Dark'Ness!

(AN: STUP EFFIN TROLLIN! Mai guudness, stop sayin i'm a troll an stop flamin! I'm naught a trull! GAWD! An stop sendin mee dose hate messagez! Why do U think Imma trull? GAWD!)

OK, so den I wuz liek goin upp a mowntain (I culd've used mai PSI powwas 2 do it but i didunt. So den we all liek killd da peepole in da twone. den we wint 2 da castill in Da'allam. So den we all liek wint inside an met da king of da mountaintop kingdum. Da keeng tolde me dat I waz da devillz cosen one! :D

He gayv me a magik amyoulet an putt it round mai nek. "Dis necklass has da power 2 make your gawd powaas multiplyed by 10!" I wuz so hapee.

"Nao let mee giv U a messaj frum da legionz of HELL! Dey sed dat your reel name iz Dark'Ness, and dat U were borne 2 D-stroy da wurld an make it liek HELL! Do U remmember win U were borne? Win U wure 6 yearz olde U wure kiddnappd bai 2 very hawt ladees who taught U hoaw 2 have sexxxxx an kill peepolez. Den dey preformd a richual dat marked U as da chosen won of Satin! So den dey gayv U one last sexx an dey sent U hoem. It wuz too yearz latur. You wure 9 thenn. Den yur parentz an sistur let U back hoem and dey wure all hapee. Den U killd dem an laffed!"

He wuz raight. Dat wuz ness'ss hole backstoree. Den da king opend a dorr 2 a bakroom in da castle. Dere wure liek 16 harem gurlz dere. "Deeze are da childrin of da gurls who kidnappd you win U wure yung. Dey are magik, an if U have sexx wiff dem, dey will impower U!" So I had liek lotz of sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx wiff dem.

Den whin we wure dun mai pingas exploded wiff cum an I used PK... MOUNTAINCRUSHERBEAM! Den A huge lasur appeered in da sunn an blastid dowen da hole mownten! An evrywon died XCEpt mai teeem. Onlee won paret of da mowntain didunt break: a cayve blockd bai 3 stone womenz in sexee bunny clothez.


	14. Chapter 14

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chaoper Forfteeen! Nezz Hazz sexxx wif da stommz!

(AN: STUP EFFIN TROLLIN! O, an bai da wai, a frend of maine iz gunna pruufread mai wurk eventuallee! Just giv himm taime. He wurks harde liek me, U no!)

OK, so den we wur all liek goin 2 da bunny gurls. Dey wuldn'ty moove. Den I took da mancarrot frum da vagnet hill an stuck it in dem. Den da statuez all came aliev an make luv 2 mee an jeff. Poo (AN: yez, I wuz FINALLEE givun hiz reel naym. naught much diffrense thouh, rite?) culdnt do den dem, tho, cuz hiz sword wuz liek stolen bai Hawt Giygass.

Den win da sexxx wuz ovaar, Jefff shaught da biches xcept 4 one. Den mai cum xsploded inside hur pusee an she lit on fyre. Suddinly, mai pingassss made hur exsplode an me an mai frends teliported inside da cave, where we ate da bichez dat we killld.

Den 2 demon gawds made of clowds and lightningz came an attaked mai frendz! Cuz dey were liek bein controlld by a PEGASUS PONEE FRUM DA MAI LITTUL PONEE FRANCHIZE! And I hayte ponees as much az I hayte peepole an kristianz an kristiann peoplez. So den I used mai chainsaw bayseball batt dat I lit on FYRE to kil Raynebow Dayshe da Pagasuuss! An I ate da bluud of da ponee.

So den I hadd sexx wiff da demon gawds (evin do dey wure boyz, cuz nao I wuz liek Bi-Kuriouss). Den I killd thems. An I took da melodee of da clowds but I liek hated it cuz it wuz soooo prettee an cutee. An I hayte cute.

So den I summond all mai powur 2 use PK...MEGA NUKE ANNIHILATION TATTACK OF TOTAL DOOMMMM!

Den I turnd in2 mai true forme: A demonik abominashun wiff 52000 tentakles for mai left arm an 1997 million penizzes 4 mai right ahrm. Mai fayce wuz cloakd in blackness an bekame a portal in2 HELLL! and mai leggz bekame baseballe bat chainsawz lit on fyre.

So den I just breethed in and da hole grownd was turnd in2 a hole. All of dalaaaam ans scaraba an da swamps wure mayde in2 a big hole in da grownd. Den we all liek fell in2 another Snacktuary an I got the nexxt Melodee! I wuz madd cuz I liek didnt want 2 heer dat song. But den da devill toled me dat I had 2 get all da song so dat I culd dstroy it.


	15. Chapter 15

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chayper Fiftien! Dark'Ness kills all da dynosores!

OK, so nao we wure in a shinee hall were mai thouts were ritten on da wall. And da gurls wure liek masturbatyng. An so wuz jeyff. But POO culdnt, cuz he wuz liek wifout pingnas. He wuz liek D-pressd cuz he lost hiz pingaz.

Den We jumpd down a hole an in2 a magikal land of dynosaures! I wuz styll in mai Abominashun furm. I culdnt turn bak 2 mai hyouman forme! :(

So nao Dark'Ness wint ovur 2 a villuge of GREEN TENDA PEEPoLE. Dey ure liek muskley green short peepole wielding speers dipped in da bluud of draguns an lit on fyre. Den mai fyrey chainsaw bayseball bat legs started 2 speak to da Tenda PEEPOLES. "Moolish Fortals!" mai legz sed. "TEECH US HAO 2 TURNS US BACK 2 NORMALES!"

Den da dendas rayped Palla an cast a Normality Spelle on me. Den I turnd hyoumane. I didunt thank dem and dey toled me dat dey wure deemons of raype. I liekd dem nao. Dey toled me dat no won can kill a gawd unless U have a magick nife. Den da feemale tendaz raypd me.

Suddinlee mai powurs of PSI gayv me a way 2 find da last Sanktuaree. We all teleeported dere and then a dawg made of lahva tryed 2 kill uss. I wuz styll in mai Hyouman form, but I still culd use mai Fire Chainsaw Bayseball bat 2 kill da bich!

Den i ate da lava, but nobodee else culd cuz I wuz a gawd. Onlee Palla and Venass and Mystress belch and I culd drink da lava blodd an eat da lava flesh! Cuz we wure lioek gawdzs.

Den we all liek wint insied 2 play in da lahva. We playd in da lahva for hourz, but da uthirs culdnt. Den Veesnus desided 2 turn dem in2 gawds (cuz gawds can turn uthor peepoles in2 gawds). Den Jeff an poo becaym gawds.

So den poo an jef and I hayde hawtsecks. And den after a few weeks I well asleap. Den wuin I wokeup I used PK...Megateleport! Den Da hole Lawst Underwurld sunk in2 da senter of da urth (AN: four U stupid foolz out dere dat meanz dat dey fell in2 da core of da urth, wich wuz lahva. But den Ness, Paula, Jeff, Poo, Mistress Belch, and Venus disappeard in2 a noo wurld.


	16. Chapter 16

Urfbownd: Ma versun of da storee!

Chapooer Sexteen! Dark'Ness finallee meets da reel Hawt Giygass!

(AN: Dat proofreeder dat I menshund erlier wil cum in on da next chaptaer, ok? Dunt wurry, mai frend wont let mee dowen! :D)

OK, SO DARK'NESS WUZ NAO WAKIN' UP IN A SILVERY TUNNEL. he wuz aloen xcept for Hawt Giygasses' minyons who wure calld da Star Women. Dey wure hawt silvur womenz wiff big boobeez which I pormptly soakd. Day gave mee amazing sexxes!

Den Dey took me 2 Hawt Giygasses throne ruum. It luukd liek da intestinez of a bich. Den I saw all mai frendz and Hawt Giygass mastyrbaeting. Mai necklass startid 2 gloww bludd red when I saw hur. All of dem wure rubbin dere privatez, even Poo (cuz Hawt Giygasssss gave him huz pingass bak.

Hawt giygas wuz hottur den any gurl in any wurld in da multeevurse. Nao I startid 2 take off all mai clothez and masturbatid 2 da hawt peepolez there. Nobodee in your wurld is ass hot as Hawt Giygass.

Den I orgasmd on all of dem and dey orgasnmd on mee. Nao all da gurls wure gunna get pregnant. But we culd just aburt dem.

Den Hawt Giygass put mai pingas in2 hur vaj an gayve me impossiblee amazing sexxx for a million yearz! Dat wuz da longest dat i evur had sexx. I thout dat by da end of dis sexx I wuld evolve in2 a noo creeture!

Den when I finally made mai lahst orgasm I bcame mai Abominatum form! I wuz seven trillion billion timez more powurful, den dat powur wuz multiplied by 10 by mai neklass. Den giygass kissd me and we used our powurr 2 open a portal 2 urth. Den I shot a bullet fum da gunn dat Hawt Giygass gayve me and den Amerika burnd up like coffee creamer and fyre.

Den I used mai tentacles and mai firey chansaw baseball bat leggs and shot dem at Israel (cuz dat playce sux). Den it EXPLODED! Da bluud of million innocent pepoles wuz bleeding in2 space nao dat I became GAWD!

"You wure alwayz gawd, Ness," Hawt Giygass sed sweetly and siductively. "You just needed 2 join da deville. Den Satin wuld show U da path 2 lyfe. We are all da gawds of owr own univurse. All U need 2 do iz join da devill." Den I used mai megaa PSI attack: PSI... ... ... ... ... ... ... . ... ... ... ... ... APOCALYPSE! Den da sun xsploded and da hole univurse wuz destroyd. Den I made sexx with Hawt Giygass and the cumm we made formed in2 a new planett!


	17. Chapter 17

EarthBound: My Version of the Story

Chapter Seventeen: The Fall of Dark'Ness

(Editor's Note: Please forgive my friend for the mistakes he may have made. He is not a troll, and I ask you to please don't call him such. He just isn't a good author is all. It isn't his fault. The school he goes too isn't very good. Plus, he's dyslexic [which only makes things worse] and he has autism. Some spellings of characters and such were required by the author so forgive the required misspellings. And yes, I did vomit a few times from reading this, but he is my friend.)

OK, so Hawt Giygas and I had created a new planet from their semen. The planet was now populated by amazingly hot men and women. They were unclothed and their skin was perfect and pure. Their eyes were blood red and their hair was sun blonde.

Then my power rushed through my Abomination Form's tentacle and penis arms and I desided to rape Poo and Paula, and then kill them. After all, I no longer needed them. Now I could kill all my friends. They were now of no use to me. Now I only needed Hawt Giygas.

But then, I felt a sharp pain in my back. A knife came into my back. Suddenly, I realized something. Hawt Giygas gave us the blood of Zeus to drink a very long time ago. How did she kill a god?

With that knife. The Tendas told us that Hawt Giygas had a knife that could kill gods. Now I saw the truth: Hawt Giygas wanted me to come here so we could create a new planet of perverse beings to replace the old planet. I was tricked into lusting for a demon. That was her plan. That was the devil's plan.

Hawt Giygas created the Happy Happyist cult and the Devil created Satanism. They made me into a god, just to kill me in the end when I fulfilled my mission. I was the Devil's chosen one, only to do what he wanted and then be killed here. I was a fool.

Now all my old friends were around me, laughing at me. I was bleeding to death, dying because of my stupidity. Hawt Giygas didn't look so beautiful anymore. Now, she looked like a screaming face without a body. Only black and red could be seen around us. She was now an Abomination like me.

Suddenly, a dark essence appeared in a puff of fiery smoke. It was the devil himself. Satan.

"I see you've noticed your foolishness," he said. "There is no God to save you now. Now, everything is done. No prayer can save you. It would just not be heard. Now, Dark'Ness, you are about to die. You destroyed the world and wiped out every last Christian on it. Congratulations, you fool. You lost and I won. God lost and I won."

Almost all my blood was gone. Even though my blood was made of fire and poison, it wasn't harming Satan, Hawt Giygas, or my ex-friends. All I could do was pray. It was a silent, quiet prayer. And then Giygas began to die. There still WAS a God, no matter what I did.

And then the real Ness woke up.

"That was a wierd dream," he said.

"What happened?" Paula asked, sleeping in the bed beside him.

"Well... I'd really rather not say..."

"Why not?"

"It seemed like... a REALLY bad fanfiction... except I was in it. It was like every bad fanfic ever written starring us."

"Well, that's creepy."

"Yep. So, did you have any wierd dreams?"

"Yes, I did! I dreamed I was with the Old Spice Guy, and he was so hot!"

"Okay, good night!" Ness said.

Paula laughed and she went back to sleep, as did Ness. And so the bad dream ended, and everything was back to normal.


	18. THE REAL Chapter 17

EarthBound: My Version of the Story

The Real Chapter Seventeen: The Rise of Dark'Ness

(Author's Note: This is the read Chapter 17 and the real final chapter. This time, you will read the story as it should be read.)

OK, so Hawt Giygas and I had created a new planet from their semen. The planet was now populated by amazingly hot men and women. They were unclothed and their skin was perfect and pure. Their eyes were blood red and their hair was sun blonde.

Then my power rushed through my Abomination Form's tentacle and penis arms and I desided to rape Poo and Paula, and then kill them. After all, I no longer needed them. Now I could kill all my friends. They were now of no use to me. Now I only needed Hawt Giygas.

So first I went behind Poo and stabbed him in the ass with my dick. I rammed into it ultra fast and caused multiple explosions. When I orgasmed, it exploded and caused him to die.

Then I saw Paula. She was crying because I wanted to kill her. I smiled because I wanted to kill her. I forced her to give me, Dark'Ness, the ultimate blowjob. She failed, so I cut off her head with my penis. "Sorry to be such a dick, but you really lost your head."

I drank their mere mortal blood and ate their flesh with Hawt Giygas. When we were finished, Hawt Giygas said, "Master Satan will be coming soon, Dark'Ness. He will want to make you a Chosen One."

"What is a Chosen One?" I asked, masterbating.

"One chosen my Satan Himself. There will be Twenty Four Chosen Ones in total before we ravenge the Prime Dimension."

Suddenly, the reality around us faded away, and a demon of utmost perfection appeared. "I am pleased with you, Dark'Ness. You are the third of my Chosen Ones. Prepare for the end of the Worlds."

It was Lord Almighty Satan Himself.


End file.
